For my new program I spoke with many women. About their body, their tiredness and their sexuality. Almost all of them said, in their own words, the same thing.
I do want to feel. But I am afraid that I will fall and not get back up.
I understand that sentence very well. And I actually think it is a wise one.
Why feeling is scary
If your body once learned that feeling was not safe, it will protect you from it. You move into your head. You get good at planning, caring and carrying on. Your nervous system is simply doing its job.
That works fine for a long time. Until you notice what it costs:
- You are basically always tired, and resting makes you restless.
- You only notice your body when it hurts.
- During sex you are mostly busy with the other person.
- Something is stuck in your belly or pelvis, and you don’t know how to reach it.
Sadly you can’t switch off feeling one part at a time. Turn down the pain, and the pleasure goes down with it.
I lived in my head too
As a child I picked up that there was something wrong with my body, and I believed that for a very long time. I lived mostly in my head and saw my body as something to hide instead of something to enjoy.
What brought me back was breath, plant medicine, movement, a lot of laughter and a great deal of softness.
How Kambo came to me
A few years ago I was in a ten day silent retreat in France, at Hridaya, one of my favourite centers. We meditated on the spiritual heart.
During that retreat I kept hearing a little voice: Kambo, Kambo, Kambo. Yeah yeah, I thought, I will do that again sometime soon. But the feeling grew stronger. I got the strong sense that I had to learn to work with it.
The first woman I spoke with when I came out of the silence was Dutch too, and she had a retreat center in Portugal. I told her I organised women’s circles. “Ooh, we do that too,” she said. “And then we work with shamans from Peru. They bring Kambo, because Kambo works on the womb.”
I had only just started my own womb healing. At first I still thought: sure, I am making this up. But this was the confirmation I needed. I felt: I have to learn to work with this.
Now Kambo is a fixed part of Reclaim: three sessions, with the points around your womb and pelvis.
Land first, then feel
Many women told me that earlier bodywork or intense breathwork left them even more unsettled. Or that after a single session they were left alone with everything that had opened up.
That is why I always start gently. First you learn how to land, breathe and calm yourself down. Only when that feels good do we go further; step by step and at your pace. Once you know how to come back, you dare to go.
Your two minute practice: hand on your belly
Sit or lie down. Place one hand on your lower belly, just below your navel.
Breathe in gently through your nose and let your exhale last a little longer than your inhale. Do that five times. You don’t have to feel anything or fix anything.
Then ask your belly: how is it in there? Warm, cold, tight, empty, nothing? All of it is fine. You visited for a moment, and that is enough for today.
What can grow from there
- You stand more firmly, also when things get tense.
- You feel your boundaries and speak them, without making them smaller.
- Your energy comes back.
- You can enjoy again: food, touch, sex, a cheesy song in the kitchen.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. That is why I made Reclaim: a one on one program of 10 to 12 weeks, for women who want to come home to their body again.